Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The Olympian is in my bed
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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