DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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