When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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