Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Randomize
