we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
