Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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