i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
