My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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