She announced her abortion via fbk
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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