Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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