He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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