You're so nebulous sometimes
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
