You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
