I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
