how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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