porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Mom said you looked used
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
