Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
