Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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