He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
