Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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