ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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