just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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