Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
false alarm, still single
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
