so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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