I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
