I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
