i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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