Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
