it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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