I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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