At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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