sarcasm needs its own font
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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