Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
