there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize