Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
