I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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