so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
