what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
