so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I deserve this hangover.
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