my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
