Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
