Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
