Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
