I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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