pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
