Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize