no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
