Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
