I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
