She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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