We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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