3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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