either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize