I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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