I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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