fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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