God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
