I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am naked and annoyed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
