He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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