forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
