Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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