i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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