please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize