I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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