omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
