when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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